I have no idea how many tons of all-you-can-eat crab legs, shrimp and prime rib are served in Las Vegas each year. But I do know there are more than 60 hotel buffets in the greater Vegas area. From perfunctory spreads to the new breed of super buffet, that’s a lot of bloated bellies and Alka Seltzer. Naturally, the glut of smorgasbords means there are many bad ones. And when I say bad, I’m talking places that’ll remind you of the horrific spread from “Vegas Vacation.”  On my last trip, I stuffed my face at three Strip buffets. Two were gorge-worthy. The third was as bland as a Barry Manilow concert at the Hilton. And now, with copious helpings of gluttonous guilt and new stretch marks on my stomach, I present the following roundup:

Spice Market Buffet at Planet Hollywood
A holdover from Planet Hollywood’s previous life as the Aladdin, Spice Market falls into the super buffet category. Nine food stations ranging from the routine (Italian, Mexican, Asian) to the unexpected (a Middle Eastern station) dish up grub that’s a cut above your typical steam table fare. The halved crab legs are meaty and piled a mile high. The sushi passes muster. I’m done with the lackluster lasagna after two bites, but can’t get enough of the juicy lamb and chicken skewers served at the Mid East station. The tender prime rib has a good beefy flavor. I seriously consider smuggling some of the delicious crab Rangoon back to my hotel room.

The word “spice” may apply to some of the food, though it doesn’t fit Spice Market’s ambiance, which is boring, too-brightly-lit, Vegas resort blah. Flat screen TVs are tuned to the Food Network. Dreadful 1980s new wave music (think Duran Duran’s “The Reflex”) plays much too loud. I’d been warned about the long line that sometimes forms at the entrance, but on an off-season weeknight, I walk right in. When I waddle out, $25 poorer, my pants are ready to pop. Overall, a worthy buffet that blows away lesser Vegas spreads. I’m looking at you, Circus Circus, Stratosphere and Palms.

Paradise Garden Buffet at Flamingo
If Bugsy Siegel were still alive, the buffet at his Flamingo hotel would surely bore him to death. Oh, it’s not bad. And the variety is decent. But if you seek flavor, look elsewhere. The Flamingo sets out by-the-numbers dishes (good-n-greasy fried chicken and a passable roast duck), but blows it with tasteless prime rib chewing gum and joke veal. I’d swear the latter is actually Dinty Moore stew meat. The no-frills dining room overlooks the hotel’s pretty garden waterfalls, which for some odd reason, aren’t lit up at night. In the midst of all this slightly overpriced mediocrity (dinner, $21.99), I must give kudos to the attentive drink servers and the made-to-order crepe station. My dessert crepe is the best sweet I eat all week.      

The Buffet at Bellagio
Late Sunday morning, the buffet line stretches clear back to the blackjack tables. People crowd the made-to-order omelet stations like packs of wolves. The mother of all dessert islands beckons. The champagne flows like the hotel fountains out front. Welcome to Bellagio’s Sunday Brunch Buffet.  Check review sites like Yelp and TripAdvisor for the best Vegas buffets and you’ll find Bellagio consistently ranks number two behind the lavish spread over at Wynn.

With this in mind, my expectations are high. The overstuffed omelet does not disappoint, nor does the thick crispy bacon. The shrimp is firm and fresh, and there are mountains of it. The Eggs Benedict is covered in a creamy Hollandaise sauce with a perfect tang of lemony goodness. But the egg itself is dry and the ham, rubbery. When I consider the dish had probably been sitting under the heat lamps too long, I’m willing to let it slide. The rest of the brunch selection is huge (waffles, French toast, blintzes, breakfast pizza, you name it) and most items I sample are very good. 

As for décor, the hotel’s classy Italian motif carries over into the dining room, though make no mistake, it’s still your basic buffet setting. Bellagio is a pricey choice (bottomless champagne brunch, $28.95; weekend dinner, $34.95 for dinner), but you’ll stuff your gut with quality grub. There you have it. Eat at Flamingo only if you’re in the mid-Strip area, starving and can snag a discount coupon (check tourist magazines). Spice Market is very good, but personally, I wouldn’t wait in a half-hour queue to get in. Bellagio is indeed all it’s cracked up to be. Prepare to drop a small fortune and wait in an epic brunch line if you arrive after 10am. Finally, if anyone has eaten at the much ballyhooed Wynn buffet, which I didn’t try, please share your thoughts.